amanda wilder

Once upon a bear, a kitten called amanda sat and told herself stories.

stories, she knew, were the most important thing. stories made stifling spring days pass more quickly, and silent spring nights not seem so dark. stories told of the world-out-there, larger than her small blue nursery – larger than a hundred thousand small blue nurseries, and filled, the stories said, with all sorts of monsters.

(though no matter how she looked, she never once saw a monster. trees, like those her mama had told her of, and big black birds that croaked curiously at her, but no monsters.)

someday she would need to leave the nursery and go out into the world-out-there – that was part of something called ‘growing up,’ like what happened in many of her mama’s stories. (which mama, she wasn’t quite certain.) her sister, melia, was very eager to grow up, for then she might get closer to the sky that she loved; her brother, melvin, would never grow up, but live forever in memories, deep and safe in melly and amanda’s hearts.

when i grow up, melly said as they curled up for a nap, i shall be bigger than the biggest black bird. perhaps i shall grow wings.

(little melvin, in amanda’s heart, said nothing, but his purr was louder than a hundred thousand words.)

when i grow up, amanda said, when i grow up… and here she stopped, and started, and stopped and started again, for it was hard to imagine the world-out-there, so much bigger than everything she had ever known.

i don’t know, she said, finally, but melly was already asleep.

amanda closed her eyes and thought, and thought. she might be a princess, or a knightess, or a superheroine, though melly seemed the most determined to fly. she might be a baker, for she was very good at making biscuits. she might be a great explorer, or a great actress, or take care of kittens even smaller than herself, though then they would have to be tiny as mice… or crickets…

(in her dream, someone holds her, eyelashes damp against her furry side. she pats their cheek gently with one small paw, and listens to their whispered words, and (just as she did for melly, just as she did for melvin) mews some of her own; once upon a time…)

when she woke again, she opened her eyes, and turned her head towards melly, and smiled.

when i grow up, i will be a storyteller, she said.

note: amanda has been adopted into her forever home. thank you. ♥

melia wilder

Once upon a long, dark spring, a small determined kitten called melia was very angry at the sky, for it had taken her twin brother melvin to the other side of the rainbow – and though her sister amanda had told her that there he would be able to breathe, and run, and chase tiny winged sparkleballs, and that there every day was beautiful, here and now she was very lonely.

and so every morning she stared up from her window, pushing all of her anger and loneliness onto the sky until the sky groaned under the weight of her tears, letting them leak and slip softly back to earth. she wondered, a little, what would happen if the sky should break beneath her sorrow: if then she would be able to glimpse the other side of the rainbow; if then she would see melvin again; and if then it would be like when they were tiny– just as if he’d never had to leave.

one day as she stared and pushed and wondered, she thought she heard a tiny mew – but it was not amanda’s voice, nor even her mother’s. so she watched and watched, hoping that the sky would soon break open, and she would see melvin– but no matter how she stared, the sky remained just as dark and heavy and closed as ever. finally, frustrated, she began to cry.

she cried and cried, asking the sky to open, and the rainbow to come and show her the way to the other side. she cried for melvin, and she cried for her mother, and finally she cried for amanda, so long and fiercely that amanda curled up beside her and – just like their mother once had – let melly rest in her lap.

once upon a long dark spring, amanda said, a small determined kitten called melia loved the sky.

why? melia asked.

because the sky was like her heart, amanda said. no matter how it cried beneath the weight of her tears, it would never fall.

note: melly has been adopted into her forever home. ♥ thank you.

melvin wilder

Once upon a spring day, a tiny kitten called amanda set paw to key and wrote her heart across the page, for she knew that sometimes may is close and drear and scary, and love – no matter how much or how dear or how unfair it seems – is sometimes not enough to heal shattered lungs or piece broken breath back together. but she knew, too, that for other things love is enough – that with love you can keep someone with you forever, even when all that’s left of them here and now are words and pictures and the memory of warmth, always, always beside you.

for mama: cassia wilder

5/13/12

amanda wilder
paws class c
mother’s day paper

my name is amanda tabbycat wilder and i live in a box.

i am two weeks old. my fur is black and brown and i wear white gloves. i have a little brother and sister, but their fur is creamy-beigey-ivory and they have darker ears and tails. they can’t see yet because there their eyes are just opening. mine are open all the way and mama says they look like buttons.

mama’s name is cassia. she looks like me but with no white gloves, and her eyes are very green and not like buttons. her fur looks like bark and she smells very good and that is why she is called cassia. cassia is a special smell from a tree. (i have never seen a tree but mama says there is one outside the window and when i get older i will cross the room and look.)

mama is the best mama in the whole world. my brother is very sick, and my sister is very loud, but mama always takes care of us anyway. she feeds us and cleans us and keeps us warm and loves us very much. sometimes she hums a little song in her chest that is very nice to listen to. it makes me feel sleepy and safe.

sometimes i try to climb outside our box, but she always comes to find me because she is very patient. i can climb much better then than then than my brother or sister, so she has to come find me a lot, but then she carries me back and tucks me in beside her and i can wiggle until i get warm. i love my mama very, very much!

note: cassie has been adopted into her forever home. thank you, new parents!